What should you answer if you are a Professional Soccer Player


A different perspective to the famous Proust/Pivot/Lipton questionnaire; a way to tackle the questions with a cheat sheet. Use this shortcut if you have no bloody idea what to say.

What should you answer if you are a Professional Soccer Player

Where would you like to be right now?

In the Champions League Final, on the pitch, facing the toughest team in the world and listening to half of the stadium cursing my name.

Who is your favorite player?

My dad, he tought me to balance the ball with the pen.

Who is your favorite professional player that is not your dad?

GarinchaPeléMaradonaMágicoGonzálezGeorgeBest MessiNeymarRonaldoRonaldinhoCholoSotil.

Who is indispensable in your locker room?

Everybody, because everybody makes the team.

Who deserves a red card?

Referees that favor one team over another, dirty players, and sports critics who have no bloody idea what is happening on the pitch.

Who or what is the greatest love of your life?

The fans.

When are you happiest?

On the pitch.

Which talent would you most like to have?

I’d like to be able to sing the national anthem before the game starts. Sing it really well.

When do you lie?

When I say I’m sorry after kicking an aggresive opponent .

What is your favorite word?


What is your least favorite word?

Two words: “Red card!”

What do you fear?

Ending up in a lower division.

What’s your major defect?

My left (right) foot.

What’s your greatest virtue?

My right (left) foot.

What’s your motto?

“The team that sticks together, wins together.”

What’s your favorite curse word?

Fucking Hell!

What’s your favorite team?

I always root for the underdog.

What’s your favorite book?

Esperándolo a Tito by Eduardo Sacheri, these are the best soccer short stories ever written.

What’s your favorite movie?

Shaolin Soccer.

What don’t you like about yourself?

My reaction time, it gets slower with age.

What trait do you most dislike in others?

When they spit at you during a corner kick.

Whom do you admire?

The children who play soccer every weekend.

Whom do you despise?

Hooligans and rascist fans.

What profession, other than your own, would you to take a stab at?

I’d like to be the President of Fifa.

What profession would you never try?


If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

“We’re missing a player; hurry up, change and join the team.”

Copyright© 2008 Marco Miranda. All Rights Reserved.